Things NOT to do on a First Date!
The first date. Maybe it's someone you've finally plucked up the courage to ask out
(or vice versa) or maybe it's someone you've met via a dating site or introduction
agency. Some things are going to be certain - your nerves will be jangling, your throat
will be dry, your heart rate will be through the roof and your brain will probably
try to take the opportunity of heading for an unannounced vacation.
What causes this concern is that it is so easy to blow all chance with a dream date
in a single ill-considered moment. Sounds terrifying? Not necessarily if your heart
tells your brain to find a more convenient time to take its holiday. To get you started,
here are ten things that you need to consider on a first date; that is if you don't
want it to be the last, too.
Unless you have just absconded from a monastery or convent, you are bound to have
'history'. Of course there will have been previous partners and some of them may well
have played a big part in your life. They may even be relevant to a conversation you
have with your date but, if so, don't dwell on them. No-one wants to hear affectionate
trivia about their predecessor nor do they deserve to be subjected to every gory detail
about why the two of you broke up. Keep to the point - it's about you and your date.
End of subject.
Me, myself and I
Marginally better than talking endlessly about your ex is a conversation dominated
by anecdotes about yourself. Of course your date will want to know a bit about you
and your background but you will just bore them to tears if all they get is a tirade
of your greatest moments. Shouldn't you be taking the opportunity to find out about
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Stay on the wagon
You may be hilarious when you've had a few and your nerves may be suggesting that
a double might settle you down a bit but don't do it. Getting drunk or even slightly
tipsy will just make you look a fool or even worse. Stay in control - especially if
you are a female as you never know when you might need all your wits about you. By
all means have a drink or even two but stick at that.
Don't forget who your date is
It's hard to say with absolute confidence that something is the ultimate insult but
flirting with other people while you are on your date certainly has to be a good candidate
for this unwelcome accolade. Even if your date is not for you, they have taken the
trouble to turn up so do your best to make the experience as pleasant as possible.
It may be he or she is already going to get hurt feelings when you announce you are
not desirous of further dates so don't make it more painful than it has to be.
Slapstick is not funny
If your date involves eating together then, no matter how recommended or enjoyable
particular dishes are, avoid anything which is messy to eat. Oily salad dressings,
sloppy sauces, greasy foods etc will all be attracted to your tie, shirt, blouse etc
like iron filings to a magnet. Your date will then spend the rest of the evening staring
at a stain. Do you really want to be remembered as the 'person I once went out with
who upset food down themselves'?
Don't discuss how many children you want or spend a large part of the date fondly
showing off ad nauseam photos of the ones you already have. By all means tell your
date about any offspring (not doing so is a definite 'no-no) then move on to more
adult topics. After all, you owe it to your children to find out as much as you can
about your date - do so.
Are you sitting comfortably?
Naturally you want to look your best so do pick out one of your sharpest outfits but
don't forget that if you spend the date being overly-conscious of your clothes (are
they too revealing, too tight, too gaudy, too showy etc?) then you will twitch endlessly
and leave your partner thinking you suffer from St Vitus' Dance. Combine smartness
and comfort if you really want to look your best.
It is grossly unreasonable to expect your date to pay for you. He or she has arranged
to see you with a view to assessing your compatibility. They are perceiving you as
a potential close friend and not as an escort partner so please don't behave like
one. Take money with you and always be firm about offering to pay your way. Even if
your date refuses to let you pay half for a meal, be insistent upon picking up the
tab for the wine (for example).
Don't kill the passion with passion
A first date is a meeting between two people who think they might like to get to know
each other a little better. If, at the end of it, you both decide that you would then
that is a massive success. Do not go into a first date with romantic aspirations (even
a 'goodnight kiss' is expecting too much). Remember, the only thing your date owes
you is common courtesy. He or she has nil obligations in the passion department.
Nobody likes a timewaster
While some of the sins in this article may be understandable (even if unforgivable),
there is one which is completely incomprehensible. Standing someone up or canceling
at the last moment for anything less than the most extreme of reasons is unfathomably
rude and hugely inconsiderate. The person you are meeting may be making special arrangements
for the date or their self-confidence may be at its nadir. If you get cold feet or
acquire more pressing demands on your time, you should contact your date with as much
notice as possible and give them the full truth. It really is the very least you can
Remember, meeting new people should be an enjoyable experience, so keep it light,
keep it friendly, don't forget your date's feelings and always have fun!
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