Words can do more damage than fists. Physical wounds heal faster than painful
memories of verbal abuse. Below, we present an article on this pervasive form of aggression.
You will learn what verbal abuse is, and how to identify it when the abuser is a man
and the victim is his female partner.
There are things that you can do if you are subject to verbal abuse. The first
thing to realize is that you are NOT all of the things that the abuser is telling
you that you are. The words of the abuser tell more about what is going on in their
mind than it says about you. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but the abuser
is likely to exaggerate your imperfections and harp on any real or imagined shortcoming,
while often ignoring your good points completely.
Have an escape plan in case things get out of hand. Once you have realized
that you are in an abusive relationship, identify local resources that could help
you if you need to seek shelter and protection in a moment of crisis. Think about
exactly what you will do and how you will do it, so that you will be prepared.
Find a support network. Identify a few trusted friends or family members who
will be able to assist you if you need help. Look for groups on the internet. They
are conprised of people who have been where you are today and who can provide invaluable
insight and advice. It is not pleasant to be verbally abused. The pain can be overwhelming,
but it is important to think of your well-being and take control of the situation.
our exclusive Feature Article:
A Look At Verbal Abuse
by Susan Rand 8/5/05
An abusive home is a dysfunctional home. The abuser is not feeling tenderly toward
his victim when he abuses them, he feels insecure, fearful of losing control of his
situation. He thinks he can control the victim's behavior through threats, blaming
and violent language. Messages of abuse may contain the word "love," but it is nearly
always followed by a qualifier: "I love you, but.you make me mad when you.," or "I
love you so much it makes me." Those are not words of love, they are words of control.
The majority of abusers are known to their victims; they are members of the victim's
family, a parent or close relative. Oddly enough, while the majority of verbal abusers
are male, both men and women practice physical abuse and neglect on their children
at about the same rate. Verbal abuse nearly always precedes physical abuse, so anyone
who has suffered physical abuse or neglect is likely to have suffered verbal abuse
Living with an abuser is not pleasant, but as long as there is no actual physical
violence, the victim may be come so accustomed to it that their only reaction is a
vague stab of resentment. Then their well-developed defense justifications come to
the rescue: "He doesn't really mean it" (he does), "It was actually my fault; if I
change, so will he" (he won't). The victim has adjusted to the abuse.
In regard to male verbal abuse of their female mates, Patricia Evans, author of Verbal
Abuse, Survivors Speak Out, suggests if you are a victim of verbal abuse, that you
start a log of abusive incidents that caused you to feel resentment or anger (even
if diminished or concealed). Document the abuse; write down all you can remember of
the incident, especially the words of the abuser. If it won't put you in danger, tape
record it. Then read it over: does it sound like a conversation between two people
who love each other?
As to the behavior of the abuser, is this the first time you've seen this behavior,
or is it the same old script you've been hearing for months, or years? Did the abuser
seem to be listening actively to you and trying to understand what you are saying?
Evans writes, "Abusive men will stop at nothing to squelch, put down, correct, criticize,
belittle, trivialize, ignore, snub, sneer at, and when all else fails, put on displays
of rage in order to dominate and control their mates." These displays may include
profanity, insults ("you're so stupid/ugly/low class no one would want you"), threats
against the victim or her children or family, or threats that they will leave the
family destitute or take the children away where the victim cannot reach them. They
may brag that they are educated and morally perfect while the victim is not. This
is an attempt to destroy her pride in herself, and cast her into a subservient role.
No one knows what causes abuse, but it is more likely to occur in homes where there
is alcohol or drug abuse. This may lead, or perhaps already has led, to problems with
family members, neighbors, or police, causing increased stress and tension. Almost
any problem with finances, mental or physical health or even such trivial issues as
who controls the TV remote can lead to an outburst of verbal abuse.
An abuser may feel that he is entitled to abuse, and the victim may be persuaded by
the abuser that she is actually the person he describes and that she should take the
blame for the incident, especially if she is not an assertive person. The best thing
she can do is to see a therapist to find out why she allows her mate to behave that
way toward her.
Susan Rand has been writing, editing, teaching and mentoring beginning and experienced writers for 40 years. She invites you to visit her website at pygmypress.com and take advantage of these services.
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Need a Vacation? Take a Cruise! How would you like to learn all about the fun you could have on a cruise? No
one knows more about a cruise vacation than a travel agent who specializes in cruises!
You will learn all there is to know about taking a cruise when you get in touch with
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Please read our article about taking a cruise. Then call Marsha at 704-469-9048.
Buy a 3D TV!
Looking for a new Flat Screen TV? Read our review of the Visio 42 inch 3D Television written by a woman who owns one! Read about the clarity of the display, the 3D aspects of the set, accessories, internet ability, sound and gaming suitability. If you are looking for a new TV, this might be the one for you! In any case, you'll learn about features that are now available in the latest models of flat screen 3D TVs!
Like the Twilight Saga? Read Etude!
There is a new Young Adult book series that lovers of the Twilight Saga will probably
enjoy as well. Etude has a similar theme and similar characters. Both
are about teen girls who meet and fall in love with immortal guys. What things
about Etude are the same as Twilight and what are different? Please read our
interesting review of Etude, the first book in the Birthright Legacy series.
It provides an insightful analysis of how Etude is the same as Twilight and how Etude
is different from Twilight!
What can Middle Earth say about Real Earth? Have you read or seen the Lord Of The Rings books / movies? The Hobbit is a book that has the same kinds of characters, themes and settings but came out first.
Read our article on the upcoming Hobbit movie. The author talks about the themes in The Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings, and presents the idea that they can be viewed as a commentary on the Environment!
Get A Date!
Online Dating First Impression! If you are one of the many people who have joined online dating sites, or if you are thinking of joining an online dating site, then you will need to make a good first impression with a perfect
profile! Whether you already have a profile for an online dating site, or are thinking of making a profile for an online dating site, read our Perfect Profile article for helpful tips! What makes a great online dating profile? Please read our article on How to Write the Perfect Profile for an Online Dating Site and learn how to attract the perfect person for you!