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You Belong To Me
by Angelica
Candelaria 7/10/09
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you
O can't you see
You belong to me
My poor heart aches
With every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you.
The Police~ Every Breath You Take
The Police's classic hit, "Every Breath You Take," has been hailed by many as a beautiful
love ballad. It has frequently been used in dedications and played at wedding receptions.
However, a close examination of the lyrics betrays the song's dark overtones of obsession
and possessiveness.
I have witnessed firsthand the destructive patterns of rampant jealousy and possessiveness.
Many years ago, a close relative was married to a man who would severely reprimand
her--occasionally with his fists--for so much as glancing in another man's general
direction. Although she was not guilty of any wrongdoing, his relentlessly suspicious
mind would interpret the situation otherwise.
There were other such manifestations. He would not allow her to use the family vehicle
during the week. If he chose not to drive to work, he would leave the gas tank practically
empty, thus rendering the car unusable. When she went grocery shopping on Saturdays,
he carefully monitored her spending and demanded that exact change be given to him
upon her return.
He also imposed his desires in regard to her wardrobe and hairstyle.
Although she loved being a housewife, she was not at liberty to seek employment outside
of the home should she have desired it. He would constantly phone her from his workplace,
ascertaining that she was in their apartment--where she belonged. She occasionally
longed to take their children to view the city's attractions, yet this was likewise
not permitted. He deemed her untrustworthy, although she had never given him a reason
to doubt her.
I was once again reminded of these saddening displays of irrational behavior within
my own family when I viewed
1991's, "Sleeping With The Enemy." The film's male protagonist exerted such abusive
control over the female lead that she felt compelled to fake her own death. Even after
she fled, she was continually haunted by the memories of her husband's asphyxiating,
emotional grip.
Indications of possessiveness, whether subtle or glaring, can arise even within the
early stages of a romance. In evaluating your own relationship, ask yourself these
questions:
*Does he constantly demand, however sweet his tone, that you account for your whereabouts
when you have never given him a reason to question your integrity?
*Does he manipulate you in order to slowly create distance between yourself and family
members/friends?
*Does he belittle you, either directly or indirectly?
*Does he try to convince you that no one else could possibly love you, that you could
not survive without him?
*Are you discouraged from pursuing your own goals and interests?
*Are you mercilessly interrogated if you exchange a few insignificant words with a
stranger of the opposite gender?
Such behaviors, rooted in profound insecurities and an excessive preoccupation with
self, are designed to psychologically control you. They are not expressions of genuine
love, which by nature is selfless and sacrificial. They are instead feeble, misguided
attempts at retaining your affections, your allegiance.
If you discover yourself in this situation, please seek immediate assistance. You
will require a solid support system, a network of individuals who can encourage you
and help you combat any negative thoughts you may be having. While you may be tempted
to blame yourself, please realize that no amount of reassurance on your part will
help your spouse if their possessiveness is a persistent pattern of behavior. At such
a point, their fears are beyond your ability to soothe. Furthermore, you may be placing
yourself in a position of danger. Possessiveness can easily escalate into physical
violence.
If you are the victimizer, please recognize that in your consuming hunger for control,
you are primarily fixated upon yourself and not your mate's highest good. In tightening
your grasp, you only compel them to flee in the opposite direction. Do not castigate
your spouse if previous partners proved unfaithful, or if your parents abandoned you.
Your mate should be treated as a cherished gift who is not made to dwell in the shadow
of others and their reprehensible behavior.
One of the signs of a healthy relationship is that you blossom under one another's
care. Fear, emotional coercion, and intimidation have no place in a thriving union.
Although it can be arduous to overcome the traumatic experiences of a painful past,
it is imperative that you strive to do so through counseling. If you belong to a church,
please speak to your pastor both individually and alongside your spouse, if he/she
is willing. Courageously determine that you will employ whatever means necessary to
end this cycle of destruction and, if possible, salvage and rebuild what remains of
your relationship.
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