by Angelica
Candelaria 12/12/08
My legion of readers may wonder, in moments of sheer boredom, "How does Angelica pen
her creations? Does she apply a quill to parchment in a candlelit room? Does she plop
down beneath a tree, armed with a ballpoint pen, ready to press down brilliant phrases
on narrowly-lined sheets? Does she sit on a swing and scribble words in crayon on
construction paper? Does she write ideas on sidewalks with pastel-colored chalk?"
While all of these whimsical methods would be wildly interesting and poetic, they
are not entirely congruent with topics such as leech therapy, canned roaches, and
coffee production. Instead, my articles unfold in the typical, humdrum manner of many
modern day authors: I use a word processor. Yes, that blank, electronic canvas that
occasionally and threateningly looms as a relentless heckler, challenging me with
variations of the following: "Produce, lest ye starve, o struggling writer!"
I am relieved that Microsoft has not emerged with software that would make such inner
voices a tangible reality, although a masochistic writer seeking twisted inspiration
may be composing a letter to Bill Gates at this very moment.
Weird ideas aside, my computer is antiquated by today's technological (or even non-
technological) standards. Anyone remotely familiar with me is aware of my profoundly
nostalgic nature: I become sentimental in the presence of vinyl records and the like.
Yet there is no saccharine sentimentality invading my senses when it comes to my computer.
It is a slow, strange piece of machinery that may very well explode at any moment.
My research is conducted at a snail's leisurely pace (without the cuteness) and is
peppered with intermittent losses of data as the screen freezes at the most inopportune
times.
All of this is precluded by a bit of humor as the computer turns on with a demented,
bird-like yelp. How I wish I was saying this in jest, yet I am not. Some years ago
my Mom made a monumental decision that would forever alter my computer usage: despite
never using it, she decided she was weary of the desktop theme and applied a jungle
background, complete with bizarre sounds that included this crazed, ancient-bird-type
noise. Along with this charming echo was a sound (much like that of an individual
plagued by flatulence) that could be heard each time a window was minimized or maximized.
There have been guests who have heard it and, perplexed, made inquiries. I am surprised
none of them have offered me a bottle of Beano or something similar.
Needless to say, I leave the sound off, guests or no guests.
It is glaringly apparent that I need a new computer. Yet my humble, freelance writer's
budget does not allow for such luxuries. Even so, let us momentarily indulge in the
fantasy that I have the income for a $400+ item and that I am likewise armed with
a "computer buying for dummies" manual that lends me an air of expertise that enables
me to consult others (e.g., my knowledge extends a bit farther than knowing how to
turn the monitor on.) As an informed buyer, it is important to heed the following
suggestions:
*Determine your technological needs. Are you using the computer for basic functions
such as emailing, browsing, and word processing, or do you plan on using it for a
business that requires a large database? Do research to determine which products would
best suit you.
*Look into consumer reports regarding any computer you are thinking of buying. Examining
manufacturers reports and editor's reviews will also assist you in making a wise purchase.
*Purchase your PC from a trusted manufacturer.
*When struggling with my computer's slowness, it never occurred to me that it may
have to do with the amount of available RAM (random access memory.) This should be
a primary concern when shopping for a new PC. Two GBs are required if you want to
run any of the latest operating systems. The ideal amount would be 3 GBs, as I have
read that you can never have too much RAM.
*If you are shopping for a computer online, keep in mind that it would be best to
test the product in a store, if at all possible, especially if you are purchasing
a laptop. A desktop computer has replaceable parts: keyboard, monitor, and mouse.
Yet a laptop is different. You need to verify that you are comfortable with the mouse
pointer and the keyboard. I have used laptops that have proved to be more of a nuisance
than a commodity due to the difficulty I had with the keyboard and mouse.
*Do not invest in extra software. If you need anything beyond an antivirus package,
an operating system, and an office suite, look for bargains on software bundles.
*Seriously consider upgrades at the time you purchase your computer, as it tends to
be the least expensive option.
*The majority of problems with a PC arise during the first year, hence a one-year
warranty should suffice.
When the time arrives for me to purchase a new computer, I will be following the preceding
suggestions. More importantly, I shall be vigilant that my PC is not equipped with
anything resembling a jungle theme.
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