LFC Article - Internet addiction and Chat room advice!

Web of Deception

For those among you who have entered the virtual realm of nameless, faceless entities that make up the world of online chat, practicing the art of deception has never been easier, and is it any wonder? Where else is one afforded the rare opportunity to obliterate and reconstruct the foundation of one's life (along with its less than impressive details) with such minimal effort? A series of key strokes, a few clicks, and a tempestuous marriage no longer exists; an unsatisfactory appearance is transformed and beautified; timidity and uneasiness surrender to bold flirtatiousness and charm. The alluring possibilities are numerous. To escape and temporarily erase the perceived inadequacies of one's own life and character is always a seductive prospect. Some consistently seek out and embrace that seduction with the specific intent to harm, while others allow themselves to be ensnared by it. Whatever the catalysts, the results can be destructive. Yet who seriously entertains these disconcerting thoughts when cushioned by the illusion of safety? We sit before our monitors in the familiar comfort of our homes or offices, luxuriating in the anonymity and geographical distance between ourselves and those with whom we seek a connection.

Connection. Therein lies the revelation of that which cannot be safeguarded, the human heart and its necessity for fellowship. This inherent drive and its powerful capacity to master us is the central basis for chat rooms, further reinforced by the relentless desire to evade the quotidian pressures that threaten to overwhelm us. The active pursuit of immediate relief, however ephemeral, is deeply ingrained within our society's psyche, and chat rooms have become tools of companionship and evasion in the hands of some, as well as weapons in the hands of many in the constant struggle to satiate rudimentary human needs and wants. Is this the reasoning that justifies the deceit of a married (or otherwise attached) individual who presents himself/herself as emotionally available for an online romance, who completely denies the existence of a mate and attempts to lure a string of unsuspecting, love-starved souls into pseudo-relationships that understandably have no chance of survival? For some it is a game of malice, an exercise in conquest. For others it is a search for the attention, love, and validation they do not receive at home.

There are those who wish to portray themselves as truthful and actually admit to being in a long-term relationship while openly looking for that "special someone," or inadvertently "falling into" an online affair. Many of you are familiar with the popular line, "My spouse and I are together for the sake of the children. There is no love between us." There are a plethora of justifications for infidelity, for having your cake and eating it too: "I want to be with you, but it is not that easy to divide our financial assets." "Divorce is so expensive, I can't afford it right now even though I'm miserable and have been for years. As soon as I save enough money, though, I am leaving him/her for you." "I'm with him/her out of sheer habit and fear of change, but you are and always will be the love of my life." "She is an unstable, psychological time bomb who sabotages every effort on my part to leave. I love you, honey, but she's like Glenn Close in 'Fatal Attraction'. "

Of course.

The alteration of physical appearance is also a rampant, online activity. Some may send out fake photographs or extremely old ones that do not depict their present reality. Many of us are quite relieved and even giddy over the fact that chat rooms have no scales. Imagine the horror of having to announce your weight at the door. Perish the thought, for then it would be much more difficult to go from being a 200 pound, brown-eyed brunette to being a blue-eyed blonde who is scarcely 90 pounds dripping wet. Immersed in a world easily distracted and obsessed by what is readily seen, the notion of appearing like someone else entirely or being judged upon character alone (fictitious or not) is a dream come true.

The list of colorful fallacies continues, from lies about age ("I am a 22-year-old with perky breasts," instead of a 52-year-old who has to move her breasts out of the way to buckle her belt), to children ("Tommy is so wonderfully intelligent and well behaved." Oh yes, except for that stint he had in the detention center...and the time he set the bed on fire...and the time he broke the neighbor's car windows...and the time his parents got home and found one of his sister's dolls hanging by a makeshift noose from the living room ceiling), to sexual prowess ("I can please you like you have never been pleased before. Heck, I can sustain an erection for six hours straight--without Viagra!" Yes, definitely preferable to being a man that even Viagra couldn't help), to employment ("I'm working at a prestigious law firm," instead of walking past it everyday on the way to buy a 99 cent Value Meal), to financial status ("I collect classic cars," instead of owning a beat up 1976 Chevy that backfires every time it is started and a 1980 Monte Carlo that is held together only by the dirt that encrusts it.) Anything to transform us into what we perceive to be more desirable, more acceptable, more lovable and help us attain what we crave.

Yes, there are reasons that propel each and every one of us toward certain behaviors. Our emotional landscape and its valid need for nourishment should not be discounted, yet is there an explanation good enough to excuse these types of falsehoods? Do our insecurities and fears grant us the intrinsic right to lie, to be reckless and inconsiderate with one another's hearts? Our rights and privileges end when fulfilling them implies the violation of another's spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. Deceit always poses a threat to that well-being. Even in the world of online chat, the erasure of this consciousness can lead to a great deal of pain and devastation, because words expressed in any form encapsulate a finely-honed potency that not even miles of terrain can defy. If this were not the case, online attachments would not exist. No heart would be uplifted or crippled by phrases typed onto a distant screen and hurled into the cyberspace continuum, no soul would rejoice in the discovery of a new friend, or grieve the sudden absence of one whose face it has never beheld yet whose unique written style it has grown accustomed to.

There is an overused term in the world of chat: "Real life." Anything outside of the virtual realm encompasses "real life," and the two are mutually exclusive. This fatally flawed train of thought is often used as a license to engage in behavior that would otherwise be unacceptable (not to mention difficult to get away with) under conventional circumstances. It conveniently disregards the "real life" individuals behind these inanimate screens. As opposed to those we have within our sights, we can more easily disrespect these "chatters" with seemingly little consequence to ourselves, efface their presence from our lives with the mere click of a mouse button, dismiss them with a severity we may not consider implementing with those around us, for in that case it would be infinitely more grievous. Next time we turn on our computers for a bit of entertaining chat antics, perhaps we should question the wisdom of making such a distinction.